GOODBYE FATHER'S DAY

The Case for Keeping Mother’s and Father’s Day

Last year, we were informed by our son’s school that they would no longer be marking Mother’s and Father’s Day.

These days would be replaced by the more inclusive Family Day, celebrated in mid-May.

I immediately felt a sense of loss and deep concern. When I asked around, some parents felt the same, while others didn’t mind or even welcomed the change. They saw it as a way to ensure inclusivity for same-sex families or children who had lost a parent.

I cried.

Tears streamed down my face, and I wasn’t entirely sure why. But I felt that we were slowly eroding our understanding of what we are to make space for what we would like things to be—deconstructing what makes us human.

A year passed, and I tried to put it out of my mind until Father’s Day arrived yesterday, and I felt it again. This great lack of appreciation for fatherhood. This gaping hole where we once collectively recognized men who had transitioned into fathers with a simple but significant, "We love you, you are so important."

Under the banner of inclusion, schools are increasingly replacing these traditions with “Special Person’s Day” or “Family Day,” diluting the significance of recognizing the distinct roles of mothers and fathers in child development. But what are we losing in this shift? And more importantly, what is it doing to our children’s emotional and psychological well-being?

Psychological research highlights how parental roles are foundational to a child’s emotional well-being, identity formation, and long-term development. By removing these celebrations, schools may unintentionally diminish the recognition of these essential relationships, which can have lasting effects on children’s sense of security, gratitude, and social bonding.

Anyone that has had therapy will know that the first things they ask you are…

How was your relationship with your mother?

How was your relationship with your father?

These archetypes are fundamental to who we are. They are vitally important. Understanding them and respecting them will lead a human to a better idea of who they are.

I’ll say something almost unheard of in 2025: men and women are different, and mothers and fathers play distinct and complementary roles in emotional development.

Mothers often provide emotional warmth, nurturing, and security. Children feel safe, loved, and emotionally stable.

Fathers often encourage independence, resilience, and exploration. Celebrating Father’s Day helps validate the role of fathers in identity formation and self-confidence.

If we remove this recognition, children miss an opportunity to appreciate the different strengths of their parents. It may devalue the presence of fathers, particularly in societies where active fatherhood needs greater encouragement—especially in schools where there is already a stark lack of masculine energy.

We, in 2025, are experiencing a profound loss of meaning. As faith traditions have eroded, we are beginning to feel how clinical and vapid a world without clear psychological stories and community rituals can be.

A child today will experience few, if any, rituals in their life. The simple act of making a card to honor the bond between a child and their father or mother may be one of the last rituals we have left.

Rather than removing these celebrations, schools should consider thoughtful ways to include all family structures while still preserving the recognition of mothers and fathers as foundational figures in children’s lives.

All that said, the current climate makes conversations like this nearly impossible online. As I watched one school after another quietly drop these important traditions, I ignorantly assumed this was happening everywhere. So, I asked in a Mums And Dads In Madrid Facebook group if there were any organizations pushing back against these changes to restore Mother’s and Father’s Day in schools.

I may as well have kicked a live hornet’s nest. The list of attacks and emotional manipulation that followed was beyond anything I had prepared for. I was called homophobic, transphobic, and accused of lacking empathy for children who had lost parents. So, I will take a moment to address each accusation, hoping to offer you, dear reader, words to stand by when you face such attacks.

We are made from the intimate relationship between men and women. This is a truth we can accept or deny. I accept it, but someone who uses a donor might not. I deeply respect their choice. One of my best friends is a single mother who had a baby this way, and even though I believe a child has a right to know their biological and familial history, I respect her decision and that of any woman who makes such a choice. I love my friend like a sister and I’m beamingly proud of her. Two things can exist at once. I support the inclusion of her choice with a Family Day, but that doesn’t mean the 99% of us who didn’t start a family this way should have to abandon our traditions and communal rituals.

My thoughts around donors were shaped by this brilliant documentary produced by the Australian ABC. Finding My Father: What are the rights of a donor-conceived child?

I believe in biology, and I believe there are two sexes. If a father presents as a mother, that is their choice, and I will be polite and respectful. But I would also ask that they respect our traditions of celebrating mothers and fathers without dismissing them as heteronormative—because this is how babies are naturally made.

Grief.

This is where gender ideology has found its most compelling argument. Even though it isn’t directly linked to their case…this is what they point to in order to have it “case closed!” as to why we should eliminate the celebration of mothers and fathers in schools.

“Don’t you care at all about a child who has lost a father? DO YOU HAVE NO HEART?”

I do have a heart. Thank you for asking. A child losing a parent is a tragedy that cuts through anyone with a heart. But we have become a society that avoids death and pain at our own peril. Every culture, up until our new, never-die, tech-obsessed world has accepted death. Now that we don’t see it every day - Thank God… we refuse to feel it…ever. We will not help each other move through its murky waters like we once did.

I’ve heard two stories from two adults, one man and one woman.

The man lost his father when he was at school. He told me he loved Father’s Day, even though he didn’t have a father. It helped him build an understanding of what a father is—what this role means. He learned through Father’s Day and got excited about one day being the father he never had.

The woman who had lost her mother explained how the nuns at her school insisted she make a card for the woman or person who was being a mother to her at that moment.

“We all need a mother—you need to search out and find the person who is giving you that maternal love and recognize them.”

So, she made cards for her grandmother and aunts, strengthening those bonds while remembering her mother.

We cannot erase the beauty of life because of the brutal reality of death.

These are the reasons I ache for the loss of these communal rituals, these days. And I am also frightened by the climate in which we live. The madness didn’t end with the Facebook group saga. In a ‘Mums in Madrid’ WhatsApp group, I simply posted a poll: “Does your school still mark Mother’s and Father’s Day—Yes/No?”

I was privately warned to never again send such a controversial question to the group or I would be banned. I wish with every fiber of my being that I were exaggerating. I thanked her, at least, for giving me excellent material for this piece.

I left the group. I saw myself out. Later, I received a message from a father thanking me for bringing up the discussion. He told me he felt fatherhood had been forgotten in society, that it was no longer respected or encouraged.

That evening, I told my husband about the difficult and odd day I’d had, handing him a letter my son and I had written together while I was juggling tutoring a student, cleaning the house, and making dinner.

“We did our best,” I said. “I promise, now that the school isn’t making a fuss, we will make this a proper day. We will all do something together. We will make something of it.”

My husband agreed. Maybe we can turn this sad moment into something good. Maybe we can create something positive out of a negative.

This morning, before he left for work—a long ten-hour shift to support us, as he does every day—I pulled him close and inhaled the scent of his freshly pressed shirt.

“Thank you for being such an amazing father,” I whispered. “Now, when our son misbehaves, all I have to say is, ‘Do you want to be like your father?’ And he stops every time. He thinks. You are his role model, and that makes my job so much easier. He always says, ‘Yes,’ and starts behaving. Not every boy has that. Not every mother has such a simple sentence to say and mean…that works.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.”

As he pulled away, his eyes glistened with tears.

And I thought…we will celebrate, every day, loud and clear…no matter what the world decides.

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Have a gorgeous day.